What She Loves (And Hates) About You Getting Behind Her
Anal sex is one of the few remaining aspects of sex that many people consider risqué, perhaps even taboo.
However, that’s beginning to change. Anal sex has gone mainstream with TV shows like The Mindy Project and Girls featuring anal play in primetime. “Many women who are considering anal sex for the first time have lots of questions. Most commonly, women have concerns that it will be painful, uncomfortable, and/or awkward. Nervous first-timers should start with plenty of foreplay, take things very slowly, and use lots of lube. Above all else, couples should be sure to communicate openly about what feels good and what doesn’t,” says Tristan Weedmark, We-Vibe‘s global passion ambassador.
Of course, as in any other type of sexual connection, mutual trust is key.
Once you can get past the hang-ups or the fears many of us have, anal sex can open new doors to pleasure. “Many women and men experience the most intense orgasms through the new experience of anal exploration. Kick it up a notch for her by adding clitoral stimulation, either manually or with a powerful mini-vibe,” says Weedmark.
But still, anal sex is one of those things women have very strong feelings about. Some love it, and some hate it… and for that reason, we got to the bottom of it (so to speak!) about how women really feel. Keep this in mind before broaching the back door in your own bedroom.
1. The Ick Aspect
It feels really good when you take a good poop, so one would imagine that’s the draw for trying some anal, right? Not really, says one woman I surveyed. “I’ve suffered from hemorrhoids from a very young age, so I had to be very comfortable applying creams to my butthole and using suppositories. I absolutely CRINGE at the thought of how the suppository makes its way up your canal before your anus closes and swallows it whole. It gives me the heebie-jeebies — like nails on a chalkboard. So, while I really like the satisfying feeling you get when something comes out of the butt, there’s just no way I can fathom a cock going in there,” says Alex, from Florida.
2. The Pain Factor
This seems to be the top reason as to why women say no to anal sex. “Let’s face it. Guys that like being pegged enjoy it as it the dildo stimulates their prostate gland and that pleasure overrides most of the pain of entry,” says Coleen Singer of Sssh.com, a porn site for women and couples. “Women don’t have that benefit and unless totally relaxed and very well lubricated. Personally, if I haven’t had anal sex for a while, I’ll pop in a medium size butt plug for an hour or so before taking the penis as it relaxes the sphincter and makes penetration much more pleasant,” says Singer.
3. Health Concerns
Sometimes women are turned off by the hygienic and health aspects of anything going on in the backdoor. “Many women express concern about this as an issue, but as long as you poop and then everything is cleaned out prior with an enema beforehand, there is very little chance of catching anything in there! I prefer natural enemas with no scent as these tend to irritate the rectum which can lead to a painful experience,” says Singer.
4. Why Bother?
“Another thing I have heard from many women is that from the anatomical point of view there simply can be no pleasure out of anal sex for women,” says Singer. Seriously. “‘There’s nothing up there that can actually make it feel good.’ Although this simply isn’t true (there are actually more nerve bundles in the rectum than in the vaginal cavity), a great number of women rely on this as one of their reasons for not wanting to engage in anal sex.”
5. It’s Too Big
Many women say that a man’s penis is just WAY to big to go in that itty-bitty hole. “I find that using a combination of a pre-anal sex butt plug and lots and lots of lube, this isn’t the case though,” says Singer.
6. It’s Just Not Her Cup Of Tea
Anal sex is just not something that is enjoyed by some women and, if not, this must be respected! Consent is extremely important when it comes to sex. Don’t try to push she issue if she’s really not into it.
Before we get to the reasons women love anal, here are some good anal lube options to stock up on if you’re looking to give her an experience she’ll love:
Pjur Backdoor Silicone Glide
While silicone lube is often a no-no for toys, it’s perfect for body-on-body action like anal. Backdoor Silicone Glide, an anal lube by Pjur, is thick and rich. With just a few drops, you’ll be set — plus, it’s condom- and non-silicone-toy-compatible.
Sliquid Sassy Formula
If you’re playing with silicone-based toys and need a water-based lube, Sliquid Sassy is a great option that’s specifically intended for anal play. It’s got a thicker texture than many water-based lubes as a result — almost gel-like — to offer you all the lubrication you need. As with all water-based lubes, it’ll dry out faster than silicone, but a little bit of water splashed on the right area will “re-activate” it if you need a boost when it comes to the slippery factor.
7. It’s Kinky!
Most women have a little wild streak in them and want to be a bad girl from time to time. “There’s something alluring and mysterious about the dark side of desire. I personally swing between being the sexual dominant (including occasionally pegging my man) to being the submissive (which frequently includes having my guy’s dick in my butt!),” says Singer.
It’s all about getting there in the way that works for you, and then having fun with it. “Anal sex is great when you’ve been properly warmed up,” says Angela White, an award-winning adult star. “That doesn’t mean ramming a couple of dry fingers into my rectum and calling it foreplay. The anus is not self-lubricating like a pussy so you need to either use lubricants or provide plenty of spit. Also, if you’re not man or woman enough to stick your tongue in my butthole then you’re not sticking anything else in there,” White says.
8. It Can Lead To Massive Orgasms
“As there are a lot of nerve bundles in the rectal canal, I know a number of women that say a combination of anal penetration and clit stimulation results in bone shaking, screaming orgasms,” says Singer.
Relaxation is key and also making sure you’re lubed up. “Like first timers, I mean really wet and slippery trust me sometimes that’s the number one problem! The best sex position I’ve ever felt it in was laying on my stomach and he sneaked it in between my cheeks, laid down on top of me and rubbed my clit with one hand while supporting himself with the other, and whispering dirty things in my ear while nibbling on it,” says Jillian Janson, an award-winning adult star.
Everyone likes it different, but the main point is positioning is key too. “The downfalls of anal is watching your diet and making sure your digestive system is on track. Which is why most professional porn stars are particular with what they eat, especially when they are planning a film shoot that involves anal sex,” says Janson.
9. Pain Is Sometimes Pleasurable
Be it spanking or paddling, nipple clips or anal sex, a bit of pain can really get the juices flowing for many women. “For me, it ramps up the energy during sex and often leads to a state of euphoria at the end (called “sub space” in BDSM terminology),” says Singer.
10. It’s The Gift That Keeps On Giving
“My guy absolutely loves anal sex from time to time, so any time he does something particularly sweet, brave or helpful for me, I very often reward him with my waiting derriere. Not only does he totally appreciate me offering, but in the B.F. Skinner “operant conditioning” model of psychology, it reinforces him doing sweet, brave and helpful things in the future!” says Singer.
“I’ve tried it before and actually learned to relax and enjoy it, but only with one particular guy. He loves anal sex and was very experienced! The difference with him is that he made his priority to make sure I was relaxed, that I trusted him and was having fun. I tried it again with another person and had to shut that down immediately as that level of trust or care was absent. Although the physical dalliance between Mr. Anal Sex guy and I have stopped for a few years, we’re still friends who check up on each other!” says Penelope from Los Angeles.
11. No Risk Of Pregnancy
While it’s theoretically possible to get pregnant from anal sex if the semen or ejaculate leaks out and into the vagina, it’s super unlikely. “It’s nice to not have to worry about the unwanted surprise aspect, and still get to have your fun. That’s what I like about anal sex!” said Bonnie from New Jersey.